Secondly paraphrased from Radio F(ootball)ive, when Ian Robertson had managed to extract his head from the Panto Villain's sphincter long to speak - "As Lawrence Dallaglio says, Johnny would be a lot better off playing for a top team, he really didn't do very much, and neither did Matthew Tait.". no mention of the score from him but that's just too detailed.

Last and definitely least, my own offering.

During the warm up I thought a number of the Falcons players looked overly muscled, in particular Ward, May and Rudd. Yes the gym can make you bulky and strong but can your frame take it and does it hamper your skills?

As the team jogged around the half I noticed Goodey, Geordan, Johne and Humph at the back, notwithstanding Geordan's Bolimea, the backs obviously can't keep up with our slow forwards!

Newcastle kicked off and instead of giving away an opening penalty, this week Jordan's introduced us to the first of his new tricks, a juggling act, never mind, all safe. Newcastle looked threatening with the ball whipping across the backs however, unlike Toulouse there seemed to be a lack of movement up the pitch to accompany it. The defence looked rock solid and after about 5 minutes the ball secured, Leicester broke up the pitch for that slow old thing, Cozza to brush past Winters and then through Tait to score wide out on the left from the 22m line. Goodey just pulled the conversion across the face of the posts from a tricky angle.

We then regained the ball and were awarded another kickable penalty, again it drifted wide having looked bang on target fro most of its flight.

Wilkinson scored a relatively easy but well taken penalty but at no stage even this early on in the game did I feel that Newcastle had it within them to cause us problems except through this route.

The 1st scrum was watched with great anticipation, £10 trazillion is a lot to pay for a Tighthead. Marcos v Hayman, a penalty was awarded against Marcos, Shaun Davey has obviously got his reading of the scrum laws right! more of which later. Marcos didn't look troubled all match and the scrums looked pretty even early on, to be fair to Hayman it might help if you have 7 other scrummagers helping you.

The Line out was less even with us stealing a number of balls against the throw, Castro doing some neat tidying up and even taking one!
Jordan, having been upset by criticism of his lack of pace, sped down the left wing but this came to naught.

Repeating this a few minutes later, he throws an outrageous dummy that is bought, lock, stock and barrel by England's saviour in the case of Balshaw's unavailability, and then he crosses for a try, converted by Goodey who has adjusted his trajectory, or rather that of the ball, to a much straighter and lower one.

We then had a ludicrous penalty awarded against us, Mad-Eye tackles, releases, rolls away, the Falcons player then dives off his feet and on top of Mad-Eye and Mr Shaun "ooh you've all come to listen to my Acme Thunderer and I aint about to disappoint" Davey awards a penalty for not rolling away. Boooooooo hiss from the crowd, Johnny kicks an easy one.

There was then an exchange of penalty kicks but Falcons continue to not seem to offer much go forward, lots of fast fancy moves but all well behind the gain line. The Tigers' defence was very well organised and easily able to cope. Go forward is not a trait lacking from Mr Rambeni although he was generally well martialled he always made ground and presented the ball well and took in at least 2 defenders. In defence he was awesome and not only stopped people but drove them back too. Playing outside Aaron's increasing variation of options it is a shame England's saviours looked 2nd best as did Leinster last weekend.

Goodey then added a Drop Goal and another penalty before half time.

There was much intrigue as to who was sat between Johhno and Oz, apparently an American Football player. Well I suppose most of us would be pretty happy to sit there, let alone benefit from their insights (more of which later).

The 2nd half kicks off, we need a good start and we get one. We apply great pressure to the Falcons in their 22, they can't get out, Tait who has looked anything but an international class player at Full Back so far, slices a kick to touch on the 22m and we have the chance to put more pressure on them, but no, we decide to bamboozle everyone by dancing a quadrille or simply poncing about changing positions. Chutes then throws right over the top, the jumper obviously still giddy from all the dancing fails to rise let alone collect the ball. Falcons are first to it and it goes left and up the field. A kick ahead was fielded well by Geordan but he was then tackled and with slow support the ball was turned over and Falcons scored well on the left hand side through flood, unconverted.

Grrrrrr we kick off and Mad-Eye chases and catches. Wham bam, Johne over on our left, converted by Goodey from wide out. Aaron injured his thumb and Ollie replaces. 3 subs for Falcons smacks of throwing in the towel at under 50 minutes played.

More and more pressure is applied to the Falcons and push over on 2nd attempt sees Marcos go over. We are now seeing nigh on complete domination up front. A driving maul is stopped, the ball is placed on the ground and Mr Davey gives a scrum to Falcons, much to the confusion of the Crumbie faithful, however, we as fans often don't understand what is really going on. It now becomes apparent why TV employs expert pundits to explain the intricacies of the game. fortunately we had an ex player to explain what was going on, Oz expounded the theory that Mr Davey was indeed a Bell End. That explains it! And with apologies for Latin scholars it explains the title of this piece.

The game was still niggly in places, Golding replaced by Mickey "Tripod" Ward.

Goodey then is stepped inside by Johnny and reaches out to scrag his 2nd International in 2 weeks and add another yellow card to his collection, a major bust up follows with most players involved. To his credit, Johnny just got up and walked away without any fuss.

Penalty to Falcons, they go for the corner but Tigers defence drives them back up the field even at 14 players.

More subs on for Falcons and these guys seem to want to make a difference.

More subs for Tigers, Dave Young gives Mickey Ward a right seeing to. Mickey has been watching Andrew Sheriden and has adopted his regular propping stance of two feet and left hand firmly in contact with the ground. 3 times the scrum goes down, 3 times Ward fails to offer a bind, 3 times his hand is on the ground, 3 times Mr Davey cannot see what is going on 1 metre in front of him. Ref-tastic!

The game really fizzled out from there on.

All in all I was disappointed by the Falcons and had hoped for more of a game, particularly up front.

MOM: I was pleasantly surprised at how difficult a decision this was, Geordan was magnificent, Mad-Eye was brilliant, Cozza and Jordan for slow boys did very well. Ben and Louis were everywhere and a phenomenal tackle rate as well as the lineout. The front row held and then dominated their opposition in the tight and in the loose the tackles, carries and off loads were great. Tom ran and chased well, if only his kicks ahead would stay in field whether from him or others. Aaron is growing into the club beautifully and Goodey, High tackle apart (and I really cannot condone applauding him as he left the pitch after the Yellow Card) had an armchair ride and played wonderfully dropping bombs on Falcons and giving plenty of time for the chaser, Johne looked aggressive and direct. Frank had a solid game but too often gave the opposition defence metres by running rather than passing. My MOTM was Seru due to his incredible work rate in both defence and attack.

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