Worst Tigers moment and why?

Losing the pay off final to Wasps a week after we’d stuffed them in the league. The fact that it was Johnno’s last game made it seem doubly bad.Losing last season’s Heineken Cup final comes close because we’d been the best team all season and then got beat by our own naivety.  

Which team do you most enjoy seeing Tigers play against and why?

Wasps because there’s always an element of niggle.  

Which team do you least enjoy seeing Tigers play against and why?

Wasps because they have a nasty habit of beating us when it really matters.  

Favourite all-time Tigers player and why?

Johnno. No one else comes close for me. I’m a mere supporter but I’d have followed him into a burning building if he’d asked. If I’d do it I can only imagine what he instilled in his team mates. 

 ... And ... if they were not a rugby player, what job do you think they would be best suited for?

Prime Minister. It’s about time we had a national leader with common sense and integrity.  

Who is your least favourite rugby player, ever and why?

Lawrence Dallaglio. I don’t care what Barney thinks; as far as I’m concerned he’s a self-publicist with little honour. The way he turned his back on England and then decided it would be in his interest to come back and stab Cozza in the back was disgusting.  

... And ... if they were not a rugby player, what job do you think they would be best suited for?

Lighthouse keeper. The further out of the public gaze the better.  

What is your match day routine?

For a 3pm Saturday game either my brother or I will drive in from Uppingham, picking up my stepdad en-route. Generally park on Freeman’s Common and get into the ground by around 1.45, which is enough time to grab a pint and get a good spot on the Crumbie between the half way line and the 22.Generally, a couple of my brother’s mates will turn up just before kick off and annoy everybody, including me, by squeezing themselves into non-existent spaces around us. The fact they always bring me a pint prevents me from telling them where to get off.  

Who would you like to see in a rugby Celebrity Death Match (2-man tag teams are allowed)?

Henry and Alex Tuilagi against Lawrence Dallaglio and Ian Balshaw. Take Balsh out early and steam into Lawrence two-handed.  ...

And ... who would win? The Samoans of course.  

How many hours per day do you spend thinking about rugby? 

Far more than is healthy.  

How many times a day do you check the message board?If

I’m at work, every couple of hours. If I’m at home, probably twice a day.  

If I could be in charge of the RFU for a day I would...Put a distinct line between professional and amateur bodies. 

General stuff Describe yourself in three words.

Sarcastic, pedantic, short-tempered (since I stopped smoking about five years ago)  

What did you have for breakfast?

Black coffee and marmite on toast – no butter.  

What was the last book you read (or looked at the pictures of)?

Currently reading The Secret of Crickley Hall by James Herbert. It’s the first of his books that I’ve read for more than 15 years and it’s pretty entertainig  

What are your three all-time favourite albums?

Brothers in Arms by Dire Straits

Best of MTV Unplugged (Principally for The Summer of 69)

Bat out of Hell by Meat Loaf   

What are your three all-time favourite movies?Gladiator

Zulu

The Perfect Storm  

If you could have been anything in life (other than the current job) what would it have been?

Helicopter pilot  

What was your nickname at school?

Mort 

How much cash have you got on you right now?

£62.84  

If you could be anywhere in the world where would it be and why?

Salmon fishing in Iceland. Because it’s tantalisingly close and annoyingly too expensive.  

If you could be anybody else for a day who would it be and why?

George Bush. Then I’d do the decent thing and shoot myself.  

Who would your ideal dinner party guests be?

Daisy Haggard (of Man Stroke Woman and Green Wing fame), Enoch Powell, Peter Kay, Austin Healey  

What is your favourite sandwich?

Mature cheddar and Branston pickle. But I’d prefer it in a crusty cob.  

Where do you most enjoy going out for a meal?

Any good Indian restaurant.  

Who would play you in a movie of your life?

Phillip Glenister (DCI Gene Hunt from Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes)  

Apart from rugby what is your other big passion in life (that is assuming there is more to life than rugby!)?

My family and fishing

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