• Do you have the physique of Gareth Chilcott and the athleticism of Os Du Randt?
• Have you sat for far too long at the Stoop knocking back the beer, thinking – knowing – that you have a rugby talent that has been going to waste?
• Are you looking for a large piss up with a couple of broken ribs chucked in for good measure if you’re lucky?

Then read on…

In 2004, a group of intrepid Quins supporters got together to form a team for the Fat Bloke Sevens tournament run by the Fat Fairies London Irish supporters (spit, spit). That team, Jason’s Leopards, has passed into the annals of history, but from the ashes has arisen a mighty (fat) phoenix, Harlequins FB (Fat Blokes).

The Fat Bloke Sevens tournament has gone from strength to strength, last year becoming the International Fat Bloke Sevens tournament, with the entry of a team from Leinster and 24 teams in all. The tournament takes place on the last Saturday in July at Reading Abbey RFC, with round robin pool matches followed by knockout rounds for the Cup (1^st in pool), Shield  (2^nd in pool) and Arse (last in pool). The tournament is played with rolling subs, so if you’re not as fit as you used to be (in both senses of the word), you can claim to your wife / partner / family / friends that you’re a Chabal-style power sub and come on for maximum impact in the last minute of play. After the tournament, we camp overnight to rehydrate and replenish ourselves with more beer and burgers than even Brian Moore could eat in one sitting. The club bar stays open late and there is a live band. In 2005, the Leopards made the Arse; but in the glory year of 2006, the Leopards were runners up in the Shield. This year, Harlequins FB are aiming for the top.

“Training” takes place behind the Stoop on Thursdays beginning 1st May, from 7.15 until bad light stops play, whereupon we get into our charabancs and head to our Headquarters, the Prince Blucher, to discuss strategies and tactics (and drink isotonic ales and eat copious quantities of chips and crisps – our bodies are our temples!) Before the tournament, we will have an evening of planning involving more isotonic ales and some South Asian cuisine which is perfect for physiques like ours. We may even get together on a Sunday morning and go for a fat boys lunch afterwards (providing that we can get over the night before). For the sub of £50, you will get your own Harlequins FB quartered rugby jersey and your entry fees into the competition paid.

If you’re interested in reliving your glory days, have a wife / girlfriend to impress, or just want an excuse to go to the pub on a Thursday evening, this is the team for you. We have a Facebook group, Harlequins FB, and a website at www.harlequinsfb.blogspot.com. Or contact Dom on domgreen@live.co.uk. Come all within!

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